Sunday, July 18, 2010


I smell mouth watering scents emanating from small independent cafes in San Francisco. I feel textiles running through my fingers in San Jose. On a farm in Eugene, Oregon I see myself sitting in a field watching alpaca vie for the spot on top of the hill. In China I visit temples, gaze at skyscrapers in Tokyo, ponder rice fields in Korea. I haven't traveled anywhere in a while, and I think it might be time.

This world offers so much experience, so much of life. I wonder why people look to the stars for new life to contact when our own world provides endless places to explore. My most recent vacations have felt like teases, a three day trip to a place I want to explore for six weeks.

I miss New Zealand, land of rain, sheep, and memories. I am not going to forget, though, that my year there was hard. Uprooting myself from my support network was harder than I had expected. With the bleak weather and my few social resources I was depressed for a while. And despite this, maybe because I am willing to admit that it wasn't all rainbows and cookies, I want to travel again. I know what to expect now. Oregon has really been calling my name lately. San Francisco too.

While I do love Long Beach, I am tired of the Los Angeles sprawl. The people, air, and freeways I can deal with, but driving for endless stretches of city gets me down. This area used to be wetlands, beautiful and stinky and home to shorebirds. And now humans have made it a home for us. The urban planning for this area is a joke. There was no planning. At least, nothing that included accommodating both people and wildlife. In my one life I would like to live in an urban place that values the environment and preserving it.

Instead of living in the place I was born simply because I was born here, I would like to choose where I am going to live. I want to live in New Zealand again. I don't think I would want to live there permanently, but I know that a part of my heart is still there. I spent a week on a llama farm in New Zealand and I want to spend another six months there. What a wonderful experience to have.

I do worry about leaving again. I missed my friends terribly when I went to New Zealand. But communication is better and better these days. Perhaps it wouldn't be as difficult to keep in touch. I know that a part of me would feel guilty leaving, for moving so far from my friends and family. But there are so many wonderful places to explore. Another year or two away couldn't hurt. I could always move back. I guess that, really, I just want to keep the door of possibility open.

I have one more year of school left to complete and then who knows, maybe it would be a good time to wander.